Tuesday, February 07, 2006

A Crazy Katie Holmes Related Theory

I have an explanation for the unexplained variations in Katie Holmes' abdominal size. Follow closely:

1.) Tom Cruise and his Scientology 'Team Katie' are completely controlling Katie's every thought and action.
2.) Katie has a bladder that fills with urine as a result of normal human metabolism.
3.) In most normal humans, the bladder is emptied several times a day, usually voluntarily.
4.) Because of point #1, Katie is incapable of any voluntary actions, such as #3

5.) Because of Tom's busy schedule of acting and furniture stomping, he often forgets to tell Katie to go pee
6.) The result of #5 is that Katie's bladder has been stretched to an abnormal size, causing her to appear more pregnant when it is full and less pregnant when it is empty.

I hope this helps clear up the mystery.


Sunday, February 05, 2006

Katie Holmes Is One Of Them Now

Reporter Roger Friedman has made a big deal of the fact that Katie Holmes signed the card that came with his scientology gift basket. I just want to know what kind of lines they gave Isaac Hayes to read for the South Park episode that Tom Cruise wouldn't let me see.

More...





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