Now I Know Where Katie Holmes Disappeared To

Sources are saying that Katie Holmes is spending several hours every day getting her fix of Scientology teaching. Actually, my one source described it as worshipping, but I don't think that word accurately describes what they profess to be doing. I believe, based on my skeptical research, that the church of scientology is a methodical system of crudely assessing what psychological neediness individuals have and then feeding those specific needs for a price.

Let's say a short (please note: Tom Cruise is not short, and he has NEVER been short) actor with some freakishly successful formulaic movies under his belt 'needs' some personal micro-managing and a 'sense of purpose'...

They couldn't get Elvis to sign up, cause he was already feeding his needs with peanut butter and banana sandwiches and barbituates.

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Katie Holmes
Tom Cruise